The Hammsters are a group of cyclists brought together by doing a charity cycle ride for Bradford Disability Sport and Leisure, from Bradford, UK to Hamm, Germany.
The idea will be to blog about our rides here. The next rides are shown in the sidebar, but also on our Google calendar: http://ur1.ca/cw7m
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Tony Turbot kindly offered to write a report for us and here it is.Many thanks Mr T.
Last Sunday’s Hammster Runn….
A goodly selection of the Marauders – me, Milo, Mighty Marie, Ali the ‘Lyin’ Scotsman, Phil the Ratcatcher Bolton Abbey accompanied a paltry few Hammsters, or even a few paltry Hammsters even… namely ‘uncle’ Geoff Ellis, Lord Woodster of Woodchip, and some other bloke (Mick?) oh and Karen ‘TT Titan’ Taylor, who is a bit of a renegade & doesn’t really fall into anybody’s gang….. Have I missed anybody? Don’t think so, for the SS (That’s Secret Squirrels, not Wreckless Himmler’s SchutzStaffel…..) were away Sportivioing….
So, me and Marie lead on to K Town, whereupon I am ‘exhausted’ with her attempts to engage me in conversation with her constant yakkety chirruping, and I try to conserve my energy by nodding sagely and grunting…. Alas, as we peel off at Kliffe Kastle, ‘uncle’ Geoff joins me, and it is he that twitters and mithers away in me lug hole all the wruddy way to Skiptonshire… where by the time we have scaled the height of the climb out of town I am defo in need of a littel lie down, and promptly take one!
Well….. the new bicycle decides it’s time I had a ‘nap’ as the front wheel lands on a large metal cover, the tyre hits the edge and goes awol!!! sending me curbwards eeeaaarhgh! whence the bicycle suddenly ‘lies down’ on the grass…. oooopphhhh!!! I gasp winded. I hear a cry go out ‘Man Off’… which sounds suspiciously like ‘Mile Off’… Phat chance I think…. and struggle manfully feetwards, casting a cursory glance over the Colnagolooni…. Phew… no signs of great scrapage down the phorks… just a phew….. spokeular scratches where they have made contact with the kerb. I leap into the (Colnago) saddle and pedal up to the r/about…. Bl*ddy h*ll they are all waiting!!! I make mental note to enter this in me diary…. peloton waits… that’s a 1st!
Which ‘minds me… on Weds, when I am riding with Foxy Milo and Moanin’ Mark Bolton Abbey, and Mark’s bottle ejects itself from his cheap bottle cage (I wonder where he got them from…? Not the Chrome ‘n Glass emporium that is Paul Milnes Cycles I’ll be bound! and Foxy Milo slows down…… and… wait for this…. stops… and unclips!!! Bl**dy H*ll… What are you doing? as I sail away….. you don’t wait for me for anything….. Yes… that’s right, he smirks…..
Anyroadup, the pace quickens a tad as we head Grassington and Kettlewellshirewards…. and frequent calls of ‘mile off’ have to be made to reign in the leaders, for Karen is falling out the back, together with Mick(?) Tho TT Titan Karen was racing on the Sat so she has an excuse. We largely remain together, but the weather deteriorates, and becomes murky/misty and remains cold….. Marie twitters that she hopes it doesn’t rain, for she has no coat…. What? ‘Be Prepared’ Marie…. Oh, you wouldn’t have been in the Scouts would you…. well try this one… ‘Ne’er cast a clout ’till May is out’. Olde Yarkshire saying… Fortunately (for Marie) the rain holds off, and we don’t have to ‘cape up’.
As we approach Kilnsey Krag, we have had enough of the dog’s abuse and tootings being hurled at us from sundry Sunday Rednecked motorists (probly from K Town) W*nkers! we decide to Kurtail Kettlewell in favour of a detour via Koniston to Grassington and thus to Burnsall, where my bicycle knows its own way!
The cafe is heaving, but hey we are ‘regglars’ and soon manage to eject a couple of tables of part time ‘off ‘t cumden’s to get seated. I soon get myself outside of my usual ‘Brownlee Special’, as does his Lordshop, for it is my ‘turn’ to pay….
As I go to pay, I see a fellow psyclist sporting a Maglia Rosa (Pink Jersey you plebs!) and as I am sporting my good Giro top, we are soon engaged in jolly conversation, whereupon he tells me his top is this year’s ‘model’ having been ‘designed’ by my fave designer clothier Paul Smith.
Look… he says showing me his signature writ large on the front… I went to the launch last week… and got him to sign this he says proudly….
B*st*rd! I grimace…. I decide I am going to have to k*ll him and steal his jersey!!!
Suitably replenished, we depart on the back road ostensibly to avoid the traffic, and all goes well until we hit the infamous col de Nesfield, and the ‘chancers’ commence their sprint for the Ilkley sign. I decide not to bother, for I still have the 40 mile TT training ride/sprint in me littel legs (see me Pharcebook page!) with Milo the day before. Not much else to report I don’t think….. back home (headwind) just in time to make tea…
That reminds me I must ‘catalogue’ my Paul Smith collection… plebs!
Turbot the sharp dressed man…..
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No Riders: 3
Route: http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/190089944
Sat at Guiseley on my own at ten to nine, not another rider in sight. Nightmare. Well it was by five to, when Geoff and John had turned up. Geoff & John! Thoughts of coasting back home down Hollins Hill and putting the feet up for the day were dashed, and a ‘world of pain’ opened up before me. Not least because Geoff has a new bike – now what have we told bike retailers about NOT selling Geoff anything that will make him go faster…?
Anyway, we set off up the hill to warm up, on what was really a lovely day. Wiggled our way through Bramhope and then back down into the valley and eventually back onto the regular route through Kirkby Overblow and onto Knaresborough (via Wetherby). John seemed to suddenly get hungry at Wetherby and lifted the pace dragging us along behind him in a
Cancellara-esque effort to get us to the tea shop.
We just beat the 11am rush, where flushed with the realisation that they only had to pay for their own refreshments (and not also that of sons, partners, etc), Geoff and John went wild and both had an extra coffee!
The return trip was sweetened by the easterly (westerly?) wind blowing us home, and was fairly uneventful until Geoff decided to see what the new bike could do on the run in to Otley. I was left well floundering trying to catch up, but we got him – when he decided to free wheel again.
The final climb up the Chevin was (yet another) lesson in ‘digging in’ for me, but overall a good ride out.
Posted in Hammsters Ride Reports
No. Riders: 14
Route: http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/178728966
Good turn out at Saltaire, looked like it would be a nice steady ride, and it was until by some cruel twist of traffic light fate, we ended up on the back of the Pennine Cycles people. Suddenly it was a lively pace through to Crosshills, where thankfully the Pennine lot turned off. This pace though made it hard for those from Keighley, not used to seeing Hammsters go past in a blur to tag on. John made it by the time we started to climb out of Skipton, but Tis was never seen again! Sorry!
The climb out of Skipton fractured the group, but in dribs and drabs we re-grouped into smaller packs and by the time we all ended up at the cafe, we were all queuing in the same line for our grub. In some strange biblical twist it also worked out that the last were served first and the first were served last. Excellent service as far as us slower ones were concerned!
Special mention goes to Karen, who was out earlier, further, and faster and on her own. She popped into the cafe to say hello, and WITHOUT troughing down, beans, toast, and mugs of tea, set off for home ahead of us all. Well done!
Homeward journey was a mix of steady, fast, steady. The last I saw of most people came on the road out of Ilkley. Al and I trundled up the hill together, at a very reasonable pace, pleased to have a good 50 add miles in the bag.
Posted in Hammsters Ride Reports
No. Riders: 12
Route: http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/178731614
February’s ride had:
There’s also the tale of when Lizzy Armistead finally got to meet,
Woody, Sport John and myself – what a year!
Posted in Hammsters Ride Reports
No. Riders: 12 – 15
Route: http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/164807326
Two things that stick in my mind about this ride are:
A good bunch of us set off from Saltaire, and then some joined and some left, hence the confusion about numbers, but it was always a decent sized pack. Riders coming up the valley to look for their regular groups joined us once or twice (before becoming scared at our obviously superior abilities!).
The cafe at Bolton Abbey was chock-a-block with the lycra brigade, as were the back roads between Embsay and Bolton Abbey, and then later on to Ilkley.
It was mostly a steady day, but with a couple of lumps and the odd over enthusiastic pack leader there were a couple of points to make you breathe a bit, but good miles, good weather and good company to start the year.
Posted in Hammsters Ride Reports
Yo ho ho! Herewith yet another cameo “Turbot-esque” report following a revealing and exclusive excursion to Knaresboro’ this very morn, that being a destination foretold in the Gospel according to St Anthony, an excerpt of which is below.
The ride had many features (wind, rain, etc) but also significantly lacked others, including the very presence of the said St Turbot, he having communicated with St Paulus Milnesius via an early morning vision that, due to a touch of sofa-cleaner’s elbow and excessive wind, he was going out on the mountain bike.
Thus a depleted group gathered at Grizzley as the joint third shortest day of the year “dawned”, comprising Milnesius, PC Peleton Pete, Daz “Creepy” Crawley and, representing Hammsters and K-Town Clangers respectively, Geoff “Iron-hip” Ellis and sportjohnbiglegs.
Geoff was in two minds as to whether to do the Hammster Bolton Abbey route alone, but made an executive “amber going on red” (see below) decision to risk Knaresboro’! Milnesy revealed in cafe later that he is firmly in the “light green” category (see below again!) in that he daren’t even wake to missus to offer tea and toast in the first place!!
Literally plain sailing out to Knaresboro; gale force wind behind and just gravelly and flooded roads to deal with. The cafe was reached in the nick of time, as it was about to be invaded by some bl**dy cyclists! “We’re not with them” shouts Milnesy as we nip in quick and place orders for festive beans. A whole table has been reserved and we all sing Turbot’s praises as we bless what we mistakenly believe to be his foresight and thoughtfulness. Unpleasant scenes follow as we are ejected to a smaller table having discovered that the booking is for some sort of family function. “Are we not one big happy family?!” asks St Paul wistfully. “No” say the others, so it’s elbows and stomachs in as we squeeze five round our table for two.
As we eat, Milnesy reflects on the busiest six months in history for his glass and chrome emporium and starts projecting world domination on the back of the visit of “Le Tour” to Yorkshire in 2014. “Bloody Tour de France should stay in France!” growls PC through his poached egg and much discussion follows while we debate the effect on the blood pressure of the average Yorkshire motorist of a novelty vehicle procession some 5 miles long!!
Back on the road it’s headwind all the way back but a steady pace. Indeed, heading into Otley it’s all very civilised, very much like a Christmas “Amnesty”, like playing football in the trenches. We pass the Otley sign holding hands and singing “O Come All Ye Faithful, Turbot and Triumphant!” and half expect the man himself to appear out of the roadside shrubbery on his MTB to “nick” the sign at the death!
The amnesty suffers a bit on the Chevin. We pass a bloke wearily pushing his MTB up the slope, only for him to be suddenly inspired, jump on and start giving Geoff some stick!!
However, we’re all up, and it’s all over bar the shouting for another year. Emotional farewells (“Cheers lads”) and then own separate ways to mull over personal new year’s resolutions (eg, “I’m not going out with that lot again!”, etc, etc).
In the meantime, a very merry Xmas to All and here’s to 2013!!!
Cheers
Braided Wigglings
(the pen name of the sportturbotbiglegsjohnnywild publishing consortium)
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Got there at 8.55 on a freezing cold morning wishing I had stopped in bed. No one else was there, so, after 5 minutes of slowly turning into an icicle I decided to have a little spin up the road and if I didn’t see anyone else, I’d head for home. B–ger!!! big mick was cycling towards me, so the ride was definitely on.
Slowly but surely Hammsters arrived from all directions, including Flatbar Gareth who’d e mailed me the day before to say it was too!!! cold and he would rejoin us in the spring, as he was staying in bed till then. Off we went heading through Bingley to pick up “Fine Weather Tubot”, making the number up to 15 hardy Hammsters who,very nearly became 14, when Peter Davison (he wasn’t fighting Daleks that day) tried to park his bike on a car’s rear bumper, or something like that. The driver declined to wind his window down and “chat” with Peter as he was very busy trying to crawl under his driving seat. So off we went again all 15 of us, staying on the main roads for much of the way to Gargrave. Bl—dy hell Café’s shut for winter months, what now? After a typical Hammsters conference we decided to head into Skipton to feed up there, but `oh dear` Skiptons Christmas Fayre was in full swing and the café’s were looking rather full. We cold and hungry Hammsters persevered and we found a warm reasonably priced café near the local bike shop. Taras and Flatbar declined the café as Taras was jetting off to hopefully warmer climes that afternoon and I think Flatbar was hoping to carry his bags for a free hol. Once inside the café, a quick head count revealed that three of our troupe were awol, Dave C, Paul and Big Mick were lost in the “Gargrave Triangle” (similar to the Bermuda one I reckon), with no one volunteering to go back out into the cold to scout for them (we’d already ordered) it was decided they were experienced Hammsters and could fend for themselves, anyway Woody said he’d ring Dave later to find out where they’d got to and that seemed like a good compromise. Out of the café and ready to roll when a `Singing Nun` on a bike playing a piano ambled past, waving to bemused Hammsters.(yes a singing nun on a bike playing a piano) Straight back to Saltaire was the order of the day, so off we went at a steady pace with Pete and Myself dawdling off the back, as the peleton swept on into Keighley, pete and myself took the shortcut round by the Police Station and “popped out” in front off the peleton, much to the dismay of Woody, who’d been keeping the pace steady so we could rejoin them, only to find us out in front. Onwards to Saltaire with Hammsters peeling off here and there to head for home. I stuck with Woody who once again towed me up to 5 lane ends before turning back down the hill towards his house. All in all an excellent but cold ride.
If anyone knows if the triangle has spit out our lost Hammsters then please post a comment.
Hopefully I’ll be there for the Bonus Christmas ride so see you then
Geoff.e
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